Help with Plastic Barriers
Deception or Truth?
... There is a brother and sister in Christ whom we have been “in relationship” with some years. Even more so recently, it has been particularly arduous with this couple. My angst, with this brother particularly, is that he presents as a “good man—righteous, caring, etc.” He practices all the externals of being in Jesus... “I love You, Lord... Exalt you, Jesus,” and in his day-to-day chores in working, being with his family around the house, gardening, washing, cleaning, and cooking he “demonstrates” that he is a “righteous, self-sacrificing holy man”...
But there is something that alienates me from him. I’m wondering if there is some deception working here. The truth is he does WANT to be righteous, but this is where he/me/others seem to get confused. I think he wants to be righteous because he/others then see him as a “good man.” He is therefore esteemed and seen of value. But he needs and wants others to see him of value... it’s external! It seems like he does things to PROVE this and EXPECTS RECOGNITION AND ADORATION FOR THIS.
...he does not really have any close friendships, people stay away from him, and I’m struggling with this now. He maintains superficial acquaintances that think he’s a good man because of all he does in the community. I am often overwhelmed by this, agonize over what I think I see. Am not confident. Have not the right words to speak about this. Do I somehow help him to perpetuate a circle? Is it a global issue that is everything about who he is? Or is it the dark, fleshy, old-man stuff that we all deal with? Is it because I see it daily that it’s globalized into the whole persona and I cannot see his “true” kindness? Am I the one being judgmental then? God save me!
Any thoughts, prayers, discernment, admonishment, or encouragement is most welcome.
I know this man! He lives in 100 cities we are in relationship with! Your discernment is good, and you should learn to trust that this discernment (though always willing to be corrected or calibrated) DOES mean something, and you should not disregard it or bury it. That will only make YOU miserable, and rob him or her of their best chance. We’ve seen MANY in this state you describe actually Change, by the Grace and Power of God—ONLY BECAUSE some had the courage to say:
“Something just ain’t Right here! I can’t ‘prove’ it, and you certainly do TRY hard, but it still smells an AWFUL lot like ‘flesh.’ And IF we’re (I’m) right about this, you can’t be happy on the inside about it, and Jesus certainly isn’t either. So, I figured we’d better talk about it, and you would WANT to! I don’t have any magic formula even for what to ‘do’ next, except I just wanted YOU to know that this is the appearance—‘man pleasing’ and reputation and conscious salve and whatever else. While I’d be DELIGHTED to be wrong, there is a barrier in the unseen Realm between us that I want to come down so that we can have TRUE relationship (1Jn.1) by walking in Him and His Light together. I’m not willing to let our relationship be plastic, and I’m willing to take a chance of you getting angry with me or upset, in order to FIGHT for the Real thing! But I’d PREFER that you not get upset or angry : ) and just know that I’m on your side and ONLY want the Best for you, your relationship with Jesus, and with myself and others in the years to come.”
Something like that? : )
Praying with you....
In His Love and Grace,
5/31/2002
